8th Edition and ANGRY MARINES

Fine 40k players, its been an age.  Seven years to be precise.  I haven't played Warhammer 40k since my career high of winning Best Sportsman at the Nova Open in 2011 - the crowning achievement of my Warhammer career. 

I poked around in 6th edition, but the game was too confusing; too many armies, too many allies, Necrons allying with Orks, needing to buy 6 Ork books to even figure out how to build an army...nah.

And here we are again.  Colleagues of mine at work have been pestering me to get back into the game, and I've dipped my feet in.  Sadly, my armies are gone.  Models, armies, bits, battlefoam, GW cases....everything is gone, and I have virtually nothing to show for any of it so we're starting from scratch!  I'm hopefully understandably upset.  Very upset.  One might even say..ANGRY!!

I'd originally planned on recreating a full on Drukhari army and learning to play with my favorite army, but after a 113 minute phone conversation with Hulksmash, where we caught up on frappacinos, wives, kids, armies, and who likes balls in their mouth more (its still up for debate, since I ate some fine sake-infused plums this evening), I realized that this blog isn't "They Shall Know Fear" because we hate space marines.  When I first looked at 8th edition, my first thought was, "Gotta pick one of the Xenos races."  Looking at tournament reports, its Eldar.  Dark Eldar.  The Dead versions of them.  Some other stuff...but my once weak and pitiful Dark Eldar are near the top of the food chain now, and the armies I loathe - Space Marines - whom I loathed because 9/10 tournament games were destined to be rinse and repeat netlists of Space Wolves, Grey Knights, and Blood Angels - are no longer on the top of the food chain. 

Matt Ward must have been fired or have discovered Hentai, because the Space Marine codex is not masturbatory material this time around.  Then it struck me!  I didn't hate Space Marines, I hated flavor of the month armies...and since Space Marines are out of favor, and I love playing the underpowered underdog, I need to play Space Marines!!

Specifically, I need to play some very angry, vengeful space marines.

I need some maximum carnage, angry marines.  Assault cannons are too simple.  Not when an angry marine can carry those.  Dual wielding assault cannons.  With chainblades on them just in case the opportunity to cut down a flier shows up. 

Hulksmash has given me an initial army list, I've started sourcing the models, Mrs. Dash has stocked up on paints and paintbrushes, and we're getting ready to go to war.

Return of the Professional 40k Gamer!

Hey folks!

Having been catapulted back into the #1 ranked position, I wanted to take this opportunity to shamelessly soapbox the rigorous daily routines that all the elite gamers engage in. In my last article and routine outline, I talked about unit flash cards, drills, META-honing, internet searches, multi-table simultaneous gaming…

In this article, I wanted to explain the true secret behind a successful gamer: I call it the “Futuristic Action Gaming Simulation.” The key to success with any unit on the tabletop is to truly understand what it is like to BE that unit. How can you truly understand the potency of a Space Marine if you’ve never stood in the shoes of a genetically engineered super-human with massive weaponry? How can you truly understand the terror that a Dark Eldar wych can inspire if you’ve never stripped almost naked and tortured someone to death? Or of a chaos marine if you’ve never mutilated yourself and engaged in every excess imaginable?

Smash & Dash learn to Blog together!

Today’s dose of humour comes in the form of poking fun at my blogmate here Hulkmash. I wish I had artistic talent; I would make a comic strip of a little Ork (Dash) and a little Tyranid (Smash) who banter with each other across a 40k table.

Having survived my first week as a blogger, I’ve been inundated with data. Unique IP hits, traffic directs, flowcharts of blog traffic, and lots of things that Hulksmash takes a keen interest in that I don’t particularly care about. Who knew that blogging could be so complicated?!? Here’s an example conversation between us.

The Life of a Professional 40k Gamer

Hey folks! I found an old parody thread I wrote and thought I would bring it here to archive it. Please remember that this is a JOKE!

Since being crowned King of Warhammer 40,000 at a special coronation ceremony attended by only the most awesome 40k players in the world (namely myself, and Hulksmash couldn't make it here in time), I’ve been getting a lot of e-mails, PMs, phone calls, fan-mail, and even a plane flying over with a banner asking me how exactly how I manage to be so awesome.

Well, I didn’t want to answer them all individually, so I thought I’d give a bit of a walkthrough of my typical day and how I keep in top form for tournaments.